A Sense of Self

A Sense of Self draws inspiration from Expressionism, an era in art history that focused more on portraying the inner emotional experience as opposed to an objective representation of reality. Some of the most well-known expressionist artists are Edvard Munch, Franz Marc, and Ernst Ludwig Kirchner, whose art largely includes the use of color in abstract forms to represent an emotional portrayal of reality. When considering the goals of Sense of Self, I didn’t really know where to start. I guess I’d call myself an abstract person, but I’m not an abstract artist. Who am I? Who am I trying to portray? I definitely had ideas, but whether or not I achieved them was less important to me than simply having fun with the assignment. This is where my final selection of photos and collages arose from. I’ve separated my photo series into four sections titled Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Geometric 8, Relics, and Vintage Pop Star, respectively. Manic Pixie Dream Girl was inspired by a series of photographs of me that felt like something out of 2016 Tumblr, and sometimes that really feels like me. High saturation, somewhat posed candid shots, random flower in my hair, that’s the Manic Pixie Dream Girl in me. Geometric 8 and Relics were inspired by edited photos with mirrors in which the reflection is different than what’s happening on the other side of the mirror. I really liked that concept because it felt like me in many ways. I have this complicated relationship with the me inside of me. There’s this everlasting question of whether I’m being authentic and if that matters at all in the grand scheme of things. Although both originated from that concept, Geometric 8 and Relics ended up going in two different directions. Geometric 8 is a fun kaleidoscopic design of color and reflections that represents my love for math. Relics is playing around with this sort of Victorian-esque photo quality. I’m not old, but sometimes I feel older than I should be. I also want to be the type of person who leaves a legacy like cool vintage photos, so I tried to approach that idea with Relics. Vintage Pop Star was just an excuse for me to feel like, well, a vintage pop star. I was really inspired by 70s magazines and fashion. I think in a lot of ways, Vintage Pop Star also reflects how I feel like I can only obtain this level of “coolness” when I’m pretending. My entire Sense of Self project is very based on this almost subconscious understanding that I can only be “cool” or “pretty” or “awesome” when I’m pretending to be, and not that I’m any of those things inherently. Sometimes the lowest self-esteem appears to be much higher than it is, but it’s really all an act. That being said, fake it till you make it is indeed a saying that has done many well, and maybe that’s what my Sense of Self is.